Monday, October 8, 2012

Happy TWO Months!

Happy TWO months

to my sweet angel baby...

(Ok, I've wiped away my tears)

Two wonderful months ago...
 you came to your Daddy and me on a hot August evening.  It had been cloudy all day long, with a little rain.  But your daddy noted that the sun came out just before your arrival.

That's what you are, sweet boy, to us.  Our sunshine.  You make our lives better.

Two amazing months ago...
Your daddy and I brought you home.
Nervous and wet behind the ears with this whole parenting thing. 
We wanted to do right by this new little creature that was you. 
You do know that parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual, right?
(Your Daddy asked for one in the hospital...true story!)

I would like to think we have done a good job so far.


 In two quickly-passing months...
 You've learned to
 stare at faces...

 coo at mommy, daddy, and anyone else who will listen...

(though you wouldn't during this photo session, despite mommy's incessant attempts to illicit it with high pitched noises and goofy faces)...

 Hold your head up while on your belly...

Until you fuss, pout, then resort to sucking on your hand.

 Don't worry sweet boy, you will thank me for this one day!  
I promise!

Your favorite thing to do: Take a bath

Your favorite book: Hush Little Polar Bear

Your favorite place to go: Mommy and Daddy's arms

Your favorite object: Your pacifier

I realize that two months will eventually turn into

two years old
second grade
secondary school
twenty-two years old
two years of marriage
two kids 

So, I end with this: 
a letter I wrote you a few nights ago as you slept soundly in all your baby glory.

It reads:

To my sweet angel baby,
You are 8 weeks and 1 day old today.  I just walked out of your nursery to check on you.  You are so sweet when you sleep.  Lately, I've had many thoughts of you on my Mommy mind.  I felt I needed to get a pen out to tell you.  Since you can't understand my words with your young ears, I hope you can understand them later by reading about the things I want so badly to tell you now.
I hope you know how much I love you.  I wanted you for so long.  Your Daddy and I had a tough time becoming pregnant. Looking back now, though, I think God was saving your sweet soul for Daddy and me.  Dear son, I hope you know I loved you way before you were born!  And, when
I found out I was pregnant with my miracle baby - oh, the joy!  I want you to know that I pray for your future wife already.  But, know that Mommy was the first woman to ever love you!!

I paused from my writing to check on you on the video monitor... I see you taking your sweet little breaths and making your sweet little baby-grunt sounds.  I just love you!  I love the way you love to snuggle close to me; the way your soft baby skin feels; the way your baby skin smells; the way you smile your sweet baby gummy smile at Daddy and me...
Sweet boy, I have so many hopes for you.  Mostly, I hope you come to know Christ and love him with all your heart.  I hope you always love others more than yourself.  I hope you give freely of your time, love, and resources to those in need.  I pray you find a godly woman to be your wife.  And, I pray you love her and respect her like your Daddy does me.  I pray you become a leader, and never a follower.
Angelface, I can't wait to see you crawl, take your first steps, throw your first ball, win your first game, go to kindergarten, graduate, make new friends, go to college, get married, have babies...
But for now, I am content sitting here listening to your baby noises.  And, though I know I can't, my Mommy heart wants you to stay this young forever.  I love you, baby boy!  Always and forever.  To the moon and stars and back.  A million times!!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

A Promise Fulfilled, an Oath to Be Kept

Hello, there...

No worries people!  I did not fall off the face of the earth.  

You may be wondering where in the world I have been since last year.  
Please, sit.  
Grab a cup of Joe, or whatever your drink of choice may be...

Join me as I take you on a voyage,
the voyage that has brought me full circle back to this blog...

A couple days ago, the promise of cooler weather from our local meteorologists had me reminiscent of the struggles Jeremy and I had getting pregnant.  It was last year, around this time, that we began seeing a fertility specialist in search of answers on why we weren't becoming pregnant.

In my reminiscent and contemplative state, I logged onto my blog.
Long neglected by its author, I noticed my poor blog hadn't been written upon since last December.  December 5th, to be exact.

The last title:

 Little did I know that...

 Exactly two weeks later, on December 19th, we would receive news that changed our lives forever.

My doctor's office had called me on that cold, rainy day with the three most precious words I have ever heard in all my life...


All the hurt, pain, heartache, disappointment of the last several years were washed away on that rainy day.

To tell you the truth, I had taken several pregnancy tests at home the couple days before my blood test at the doctor.  I just felt...different.

Want proof of my state of mind those days before my blood test?

Here you go...

Count them.
Yes, that's correct. Seven tests. And all say 'positive'.
And I'm pretty sure I took more, but these are the ones I saved for photographic evidence.

(Funny what years of disappointment will do to you.  I actually had doubts with these positive home pregnancy tests.  I thought, "Maybe one of the shots I gave myself during treatment is giving me a false positive.")

But, alas, I knew for sure after that phone call that is was really true!

I had always dreamed of the way I would tell Jeremy we were pregnant, and I finally had my chance.  The best Christmas gift I gave my husband last year...

It took a while for the pregnancy to sink in for me.  Once you have journeyed down the road of infertility, it is very difficult to shift gears.

And, I wanted so badly to continue writing on my blog.  I had heard so much positive feedback and there were so many people that told me the blog was an inspiration to them during their infertility.

I just wasn't sure how to share the news on my blog or how to transition from a blog about infertility to a blog about pregnancy. It is hard to explain.  I have regrets about it, I really do.  I wanted to share the miraculous news and be a testament to God's goodness and faithfulness.

But I didn't...
Forgive me?  Thank you!

Now, I feel better and we can move on...

 The pregnancy began sinking in eventually, as we watched our little miracle grow...

  And shall I impress you with my ever growing belly?

My pregnancy was complicated with bleeding and preterm contractions, so I was taken off work and put on bedrest at 21 weeks.  It wasn't all fun and games, but it was well worth it.

Because 37 weeks after our baby was conceived,

was born on
AUGUST 8th, 2012

The best day of our lives --
the day we became...


So, you may be asking
Where now shall the direction of this blog go?

Well, remember that story in the Bible I told you about?
The story about Hannah and her promise to God if He were to give her a son?

And she made a vow, saying:

 Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me...
 He remembered me.

 and not forget your servant but give her a son...
 He gave me a son.

then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life...
 Now I must keep my promise to Him daily.

Have any of you moms ever contemplated what a profound thought this is?
 To daily give your child back to the Lord?
To daily sacrifice your hopes, desires, dreams for this little child to the Lord?

It is quite profound, really.

My desire is for my son's life to be a testament of God's goodness, faithfulness, and loving kindness.
So, continue to join me as I celebrate this little life God has given me.
Join me as I learn to keep my oath.

A promise fulfilled!

An oath to be kept.