The Revelation

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you would give anything for this particular thing?

Have you ever lain awake at night thinking ...

   

   "If only I had (fill in the blank), my life would be SO much better."

Have you ever begged, pleaded, even wrestled with God ...

     

   "If you can give me just this ONE thing,  I PROMISE I will (fill in the blank)." 

If so, I can relate.  I think we all can.  My journey just may be a little different than yours.  Or perhaps you are meandering down the same road as me.

As some of you may know, my husband and I have been wandering down the difficult and oftentimes very lonely path of...

INFERTILITY.

There. I said it...Phew!  If you are a friend or family member wondering why Jeremy and I have not joined the parenthood club yet, now you know.

I find myself talking about my journey to anyone who will listen (you know who you are). But, I rarely speak of the depth of emotions that can come along with it. 

"Why can't I get pregnant?  What is wrong with me?"

"Another baby shower?"

"Another period?"

Low self worth, jealousy, heartbreak, desperation.

And the aforementioned feelings are only scratching the surface.

The other day, I received some news from my infertility specialist.  In the world of infertility she is known as my Reproductive Endocrinologist, or RE.   Getting back on track, this news was not the best of news regarding my fertility.  I was heartbroken.  Although it was nice to hear a reason for my inability to conceive over the last couple of years it felt like my world was crashing in on me.

And then... I heard a still small voice.

"Melissa, I am allowing you to go through this trial, because I plan to change someone's life through YOU!"

 Wow.  A revelation.  Truly.

In that instant, I began to view my situation differently.  All the tears I have cried, the heartache I have felt, the loneliness I have endured...

It has all been in vain.

God's purpose for my suffering has been clearly stated:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

 

I firmly believe God is allowing me to go through this trial not only to test my faith, but to reveal His power to myself...and others.

 If you share this common bond of infertility with me, know this:

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Lastly, I would like to share the story of Hannah in the Bible.  I will make it short.  

Hannah was a woman from the Old Testament that was one of two wives to Elkanah.  The man's other wife was able to bear him many children.  Hannah, on the other hand, was unable to bear him any children for many, many years.  She was stricken with grief, loneliness, desperation...

Sound familiar?

In biblical times, barren women were highly looked down upon.  They were considered less than women who could bear children.

Hannah spent many countless hours praying to God for a child:

In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly.  And she made an [oath], saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” 

God eventually gave her a son, Samuel.

And Hannah kept her oath.

Hannah's oath, MY oath.