Monday, December 5, 2011

All I Want for Christmas...

This has been quite a different holiday season for me, indeed.  

During Thanksgiving, I started my medicated fertility cycle due to an unexpected early visit from Mother Nature...

So in the exciting, controlled chaos of planning a Thanksgiving meal and entertaining out of town family, I had to begin 

The blood work
The sonograms
The getting prescriptions filled.

 In all honesty, I don't mind at all.  What's a little bump in the Thanksgiving plan?  It was totally worth it to see beloved family that we rarely get to see!

Plus, we got to indulge in the pepper green bean casserole that Jeremy made.

He accidentally put 1/4 cup of pepper in the casserole instead of 1/4 teaspoon
But as I said, what are the holidays without a bump in the road?

We only ate one bite of the casserole, actually.

On a more serious note, the holiday season is not easy for me.

The phrase keeps playing over and over in my head...
(sometimes accompanied by the enthusiastic melody of the children's song)


Things such as putting up the Christmas tree, hanging stockings, putting presents under the tree...
They are all a reminder of the child I want so badly.  And I constantly envision my husband and me with a child...

Putting up the Christmas tree, hanging stockings, opening presents.

It is all a painful reminder of what I don't have.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to complain.  
Just being transparent.

Jeremy keeps asking me what I want for Christmas. I cannot think of any tangible item I need.
I can only think of one thing.

I was touched the other day when he again asked me,
"What do you want for Christmas?"

"A baby" I said.  And he could sense the yearning in my voice.

He lovingly responded, "Babe, if I could give you that, I would."

I will say that this journey has made me be more thankful for the here and now.  As stated above, my husband cannot change the future.  I cannot change the future.
We cannot change the future.

But I know Someone who has a birthday coming up that can

Change the  future, change us.

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